Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
if only i could text you this smell
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
