if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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