R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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