i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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