i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
