I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Apparently you make a good broom.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
you are never too drunk for berry picking
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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