its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
