Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
