i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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