I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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