FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
