so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
