Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
