he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
