ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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