The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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