Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
