I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
