my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
