Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
