she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
