We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
