My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
