We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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