Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
