Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
