Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
