Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
