I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize