life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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