This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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