dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
