It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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