He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
