You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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