Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
