Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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