Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
