Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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