Quick, to the slutcave!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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