At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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