I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
