Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
