I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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