The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You were trust falling into bushes
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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