Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize