I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
