my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
