I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
