um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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