I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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