I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
