Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
