The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Two words: blizzard sex
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
