I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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