Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
