Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
