the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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