Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
