you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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