I'm jealous of your bromance
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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