READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
