The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
