She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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