You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
