he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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