don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i've created a new STD.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
