Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
