remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
