Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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