I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
